How are you unfolding? Do you like who you are becoming as time marches on, waiting for no one, taking us all with it whether we want to go or not?
Life has been extra full of late, and while it has been fun and the kind of busyness that I love and thrive on, it seems to have swallowed up these last few weeks in one big gulp.
There has not been time to do many of the little things I love so much, little things that, when I cannot squeeze them in, I miss them terribly. I find that I am more able to keep track of myself in the small stuff of life, the quiet cup of tea under my favourite tree, the lighting of a candle when laying the table for dinner, the moments of rich orange and vibrant red as the eastern sky begins to show signs of the sun rising or the slow meanderings through the rainforest with the dogs. When I lose sight and cannot see how I am unfolding, I feel like I am navigating life with a blindfold.
Fortunately, this afternoon, I have space to breathe; and it feels so good. It makes me appreciate (even more) how blessed I feel to be in these elder years (after all, what is the point of fighting this stage of life, which is a blessing in itself when you consider the alternative) when life invariably slows back down again quite quickly.
Part of life’s busyness is because I am blessed to be a grandmama. I love being very hands-on with my grandchildren, and while they all seem to smother me with their huge personalities and zest for life, they remind me of how rushed life as a parent was, compared to the slower pace of grandparenting.
I loved and will always love being a mama, and until I became a grandmama, I considered it the best job in the world (now I feel that being a grandmama is the best job!).
What greater purpose and honour can life have than to love, care for and help guide three incredible beings into life, through childhood, on into adulthood, and beyond? I threw myself into my much-desired role of mama at the tender age of 22, and have somehow ended up with three best friends whom I am so proud of and whom I like as well as love!
During the early years of parenting, when time seemed to be moving at either warp speed or a tortoise's pace (it never felt as though it was the correct speed), I lost much of myself. But fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint), I did not know enough about who I was back then to notice how much of me I had lost (does that make sense?)! Mothering and time have taken their toll in many ways, and sometimes when I look back, mothering still feels fresh and warm, so close that I can touch it, and sometimes it feels so very long ago!
Once the children had all finished school and had gone on to universities and apprenticeships, it was time for me to find out who I was when I wasn't mothering (and by that time, single mothering), and what an adventure I have been on ever since!
I have finally found myself under many layers, and of course, I am still finding more. I, like all of us, am unfolding with time and plan to enjoy every moment of it. I hope you do too!
Until next time,
Bright blessings to you all.
Tracey xx
What you write is so true, Tracey. The idea of a journey of discovery or, as you so beautifully put it, of unfolding. Thank you for sharing this lovely, thoughtful post.
Tracey, your acknowledgment of not knowing oneself enough to know a loss of self really resonates with me. Fortunate are those who come to fully know themselves at that stage in life. It is as we lose our self knowledge when we leave childhood and are forced to adapt to the expectations of society and put on the many ill fitting skins that hide our authenticity even from ourselves.